Earth Must Die [REVIEW] – A Galactic Disaster (in the Best Way Possible)

If the goal of Earth Must Die was to create the most unlikeable protagonist in the history of the stars, Size Five Games has absolutely nailed it. Believe me, this isn’t a story about a hero saving the day, but rather a tale about a cosmic brat trying to get his stuff back after a total lack of competence causes his empire to crumble. It’s loud, it’s vulgar, and it’s a refreshingly entertaining change of pace for the adventure genre.

Check out some screenshots down below:

The game centres on VValak Lizardtongue, a narcissistic alien prince who has inherited the Tyrythian Ascendancy by… well… basically being the only one left standing. He’s a terrible leader, more interested in his own comfort than the needs of his people, so when Earth – represented by the Terranoids – decides to invade, VValak’s reign ends almost immediately.

Stripped of his power and forced into a menial role, VValak decides that Earth simply has to go. A bit extreme, sure, but something you’ll be quick to get on board with. Accompanied by Milky, a sarcastic, sentient robot that dispenses milk (really) and sharp insults in equal measure, you embark on a quest to reclaim your throne and eliminate the human nuisance once and for all.

The first thing you’ll notice about Earth Must Die is the incredible art style. The game looks like it was ripped straight out of a late-night animated series from the early 2000s. It is colourful, surreal, and packed with imaginative alien designs that range from the sleek to the downright gross. The world feels very much alien… you know… in that ‘populated by multi-eyed monsters and bizarre sci-fi technology’ kind of way, but it also feels alive with its edgy style.

“Earth Must Die is a clever, genuinely funny, and visually striking adventure that brings a modern twist to the point-and-click adventure genre.“

Whilst it looks the part, one of the standout features of Earth Must Die is the stellar voice performances. The voice cast is an absolute powerhouse of British talent, and their performances elevate the script to another level. You’ve got Joel Fry voicing the entitled VValak with perfect smarm, while Martha Howe-Douglas provides the perfect foil as Milky. Seeing names like Alex Horne, Tamsin Greig, Mike Wozniak, and Ben Starr in the credits isn’t just for show either, with each bringing a level of comedic timing that complements the game’s wonderful writing. As mentioned earlier, Earth Must Die feels a lot like a cartoon, and the excellent voicework strengthens that even further.

On the gameplay front, Earth Must Die is a modern take on the point-and-click formula. It does away with the inventory management of the past. You won’t be picking up every random thing you find around you and trying to use it on every object in your surroundings, but instead focus on the environments and the characters within them. It’s clever and helps make Earth Must Die feel both familiar and fresh in equal measure.

Another massive plus is that the puzzles don’t require you to backtrack halfway across the galaxy. Everything is kept local – so if you need to solve a problem in a specific room, the answer is usually staring you in the face right there. It keeps the momentum moving at a snappy pace, meaning you spend less time wandering around aimlessly and more time actually enjoying the chaos. It’s not exactly brain-meltingly difficult, but if you do hit a wall, the ‘Milkipedia’ is there to nudge you in the right direction. Honestly though? You probably won’t even need it (though simply reading through its entries will still give you a good laugh).

Check out some screenshots down below:

Speaking of point-and-click, the controls take a bit of a departure from tradition, opting for direct character movement rather than clicking the environment to move about. While this makes it feel more like a modern adventure, it can feel a bit loose when you’re trying to interact with small objects in a crowded room – it’s a small gripe, but one that pops up occasionally throughout the game.

It is worth noting that the humour is unapologetically edgy, with it embracing a very specific brand of British satire that leans HEAVILY into profanity and adult situations (including some very strange… uh… alien parties). If you’re easily offended, this probably isn’t the game for you, but if you enjoy a script that isn’t afraid to be crude while remaining incredibly smart, the writing here is top-tier. And as a UK-based website, it was one of the things we appreciated the most about the game.

Developer: Size Five Games
Publisher: No More Robots
Platform(s): PC (Reviewed)
Website: https://store.steampowered.com/app/3639780/Earth_Must_Die/